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Apr. 21st, 2013

tegomisa: (masaki)
Have you felt so painful in your chest right when you're about to make a decision in your life?
Have you felt so hard to move on?
Have you tried to hold your tears and keep smiling in front of person that you love so much?

That's exactly what happened to me, yesterday.

I've been in love with this guy since I was in 8th grade of junior high.
He's my best friend.
We used to fooling and joking around back then.
Our classmates used to pair us and I got irritated easily because of it.
It's not because of feeling ashamed.....but I was so scared that he would know that I'm in love with him, actually.
Our first date was in October 7, 2007. I was in 10th grade of high school.
We watched a movie and hung out together, yet I still had no courage to confess everything.
Until finally I decided to tell him and we started to date in December 13, 2007.
Then I realized that I'm nothing compare to him.
He's popular, charming, and he has everything, yet I'm just a nerd, too ordinary, and have nothing special at all.
We broke up yet still be friends.
Then we dated again few years later, but it ended after 3 months.
I'm just an old friend of him who secretly keeping my love and let it be hidden.
I'd been trying so hard to forget him but I couldn't.

But now....I have promise to my self that I should let it go.
My feelings.
All conveyed in a jar of chocolate-peanut-cookies I gave for his 20th birthday, yesterday.
I tried to hold my tears while I made it and gave it to him.
When he said that he loves the cookies, I was incredibly happy.
Until now. Actually.
I'm happy that at least I'd made a sweet farewell and try to make a new start.
Even it tastes bittersweet, I've done my best to move on.
I'm wishing all the best for his life and mine, always.

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tegomisa

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